Dissapointment

Dissapointment 9-3-15

I don’t like my job. It isn’t that it’s a bad job necessarily, but I’ve just been doing it too long and rather than getting new responsibilities and more influence in the company my position has slid backwards due to the work I once did being taken over by Corporate. It all makes sense on paper, but in the end I have a shrinking job and everything I’ve tried (not that I’ve tried everything) has fallen on deaf ears. Recently the opportunity to move to a different division within the company into a position that carried more responsibility, and was a logical stepping stone for my career path. From the onset it seemed almost as if the position was developed with me in mind. I applied for the job and was chosen for an interview. I was one of six candidates. One candidate was a co-worker who was under qualified for the position and was eliminated pretty quickly. Two others were from outside the company. The hiring manager didn’t seem very interested in them. They didn’t have a good handle on what Bosch was and weren’t up to his expectations in terms of marketing skills. The final two were from Germany. I have no idea how qualified they were, but During my interview the hiring manager made it pretty clear that he wasn’t thrilled about the potential of hiring outside of the country for a 2 year assignment. He seemed to understand that it would take quite a while to get up to speed and then shortly after would have to leave.

My interview went really well, We seemed to have good chemistry, and he seemed to think I was qualified enough and yet had some room to grow into the position which according to him was a good thing. Maybe some of my answers in the interview could have been better, but what interview have you ever been in where you hit every question perfectly? Anyway, It seemed as though this was likely to happen. Carol and I were pretty excited about the thought of a better position, working for a better crew, and moving to a nicer area. Our planets were all lining up for once. I was told in the interview that it would be a couple of weeks before I heard anything. After two weeks I wrote to the HR Manager to ask what was up. I was told that travel schedules had delayed the process. Two more weeks went by and Carol and I were getting anxious. I wrote again and this time I was told that I did not get the job and that it went to another internal candidate.

I have been fired once and laid off twice. This felt a lot like that. I have been flushed out of a few other jobs I had interviewed for, but it always felt like it made some sense, and I would move on pretty quickly. This didn’t feel like that at all. I felt like I had been fired for something I didn’t do. I was sad, upset and felt wronged. I felt and still feel like the German candidates were pushed on the hiring manager by the GM of the division, or by a higher up in Germany. This didn’t feel right to me at all. My feelings since then have swayed quite a bit. I’m not dwelling on it, but it comes around pretty regularly. When it does I feel pretty depressed. I am having a hard time actually working at my job and feel like just saying fuck it and walking out. If Carol were working and/or Archer wasn’t here I might. The whole thing just feels so helpless. I mean there isn’t anything I could have done better, or anything I can do at this point. Someone else has my job, and at some point I’m going to have to play nice with them and I hate it.

Now I’m not happy and I have to get back into the job hunt. I let it go a bit when I thought the job was a sure thing. The truth is I have a hard time believing that I’m good enough for many of the jobs out there that would get me to where I want to be. It’s so dumb though because I have years of experience, a lot of common sense, good intuition, and a master’s degree. I’m very qualified. I think my hold up is that I’m not as tech savvy as I should be. The other part of it is I still suffer from being who I am, which is to say, a person who wasn’t told he was awesome very often. That really sucks the life out of you after a while. I need to get over what people did to me when I was younger.